Holistically surviving postpartum depression

It’s my birthday this week and I have been reflecting on the year that’s been. 

This time last year I was a mess. I was in a state of panic attacks over leaving my home, driving anywhere was a huge effort that would have me feeling so much terror I thought I would pass out. 

I was overcome with depression where I would not have the energy to do anything I just wanted to lay in bed. 

It was a huge step for me to reach out to my friends and tell them how bad things had gotten. And it was big for them to nudge me to go see a GP and get on a mental Health plan. 

I have very little trust in the medical system after being let down by them in the past and had taken on the I’ll just do it all myself attitude… 

But there’s a time for intervention and for me this was passed it. 

So I found a GP as I hadn’t seen one for years and I scheduled a long appointment so I could talk freely. I knew there was a lot of backlog to how I got here. 

In my session I told her about my depression and my fatigue and the panic attacks and not wanting to leave the home. 

She asked about my sleep, which I was grateful for as I knew that is a huge contributing factor and I told her I’m still co-sleeping and breastfeeding my then three year old… she was concerned about that and suggested I stop so I can prioritize sleep… but I’m still doing that now with my now four year old so that wasn’t an option for me. 

I told her the fear that comes with driving ever since the accident happened on the highway when I wrote my 4wd off when someone else slammed into me… And how I felt the only reason me and my babies survived was that we were in such a tough vehicle. 

I shared the nightmares that followed of my children dying and how I felt so responsible and reckless as their mother. 

I told her about my cycles being irregular and the increased pms that made everything worse and I told her about my family history that I won’t detail here. These things felt like big indicators for me and I wanted them to be investigated and held with importance. 

In the end I felt heard, even though I did feel the judgement of my cosleeping and extended breastfeeding relationship and she was surprised at the homeschooling and why I would choose to have my kids with me everyday - don’t you need a break!?

But those weren’t my issues. They were hers. 

So she prescribed me fluoxetine a SSRI selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor and gave me a referral to a psychologist who specializes in PTSD post traumatic stress disorder and used EMDR therapy (eye movement desensitization and Reprocessing therapy), which is a non-invasive process of moving our eyes in a specific manner to guide your body to change the way memories are stored in the brain, helping you to process trauma. 

It took almost three months to get into see the psych and through that time I took the antidepressant medication. 

I could really tell that I had taken it, in fact if I missed it I would be feeling the rising panic that morning and taking the little pill was like a tranquilliser of calm. 

It enabled me to get up and moving. It got my rhythm back into flow and it got me out of the house and driving again and seeing people again. I was able to attend uni on campus and go about my work again. So I can see why they are so beneficial in supporting people who are struggling with anxiety and depression and other mood disorders.

SSRI’s aim is to increase the supply of serotonin to the brain. Serotonin is associated with happiness, focus and calm. SSRI’s actually also have a component of anti-inflammatory action which is a contributing factor to bringing those inflammatory markers down to help get you to a baseline to be proactive about health again. Serotonin is a neurotransmitter, or messenger of the brain, made from an essential amino acid called tryptophan, which comes from protein, and it’s made in the gut.

As a naturopath I know that the gut is the second brain and if there is imbalance of neurotransmitters an overall picture of nutritional depletion - especially postpartum after all of the demands that have been placed on this body that is still breastfeeding a child, we can address the functionality of the gut to be able to break down the right foods, protein and fats that are needed to get the right amino acid building blocks to build the needed precursors to neurological health. As a supportive intervention for mental health alongside any medication.

For me on my personal journey in taking these antidepressants I lost my creative energy, I couldn’t write, I couldn’t connect with my poetic heart, I struggled to channel my guidance and my libido was shot - even if I wanted sex in my head my body just wouldn’t compute it I couldn’t orgasm, what was good was gone. 

Personally I didn’t want to stay taking this medication forever, and although my GP had suggested for me to incrementally increase my dose, I actually began decreasing my dose incrementally… So now that the meds had brought me back from a -5 situation, now that my rhythm was back, I was moving my body, I was getting sunlight, I was cooking good foods again.

I was now at a baseline where I could look at myself and see what I needed. My husband and I started wim hof breathing in the morning followed by a cold shower together. 

I did yoga on the tv at home I invited the kids to join me. Self care doesn’t have to be all in time when you are free unto yourself, incorporating our kids into the practices that give us strength is key to mothering with strength. 

With typical depression - you can’t eat, can’t sleep. 

Atypical depression is the opposite, you may be overeating, oversleeping and this has been shown to be more aligned with a picture of depression as a symptom of inflammation.

Knowing my own humoral temperament as a phlegmatic, cold and wet like water, I am to my benefit very stable and calm by nature with a resilient nervous system that can handle a lot but I am overly stagnant in my energy, I would joke and say sometimes I'm too grounded in that I become an unmovable mountain. It can lend to slower digestion, which leads to holding onto toxic loads and deeper fatigue and deeper more buried emotional states and this requires movement to get the endorphins going again as well as emotional intelligence or awareness to stop the phlegmatic temperament from taking over. 

Knowing my Iridology I have a Lymphatic Tophi constitution indicating a predisposition towards congestion and stagnation of lymph and toxic loading to be aware of and supported through daily movement and dry brushing. 

Coinciding with my Ayruvedic dosha as a Kapha, elements of water and earth, I need to be mindful of excess moisture such as stagnation and candida. Kaphas may need to work extra hard to keep things in balance to avoid excess mucous, candida, weight gain and too much sleep. 

So we can see a pattern or a constitutional pattern here where the increased stagnation, and lymphatic flow can lead to these symptoms of inflammation. Physical activities are anti-inflammatory and support lymphatic drainage, so does drinking more water and of course food as medicine.  

The first stage is to remove the barriers to health - the things we consume that are contributing to the inflammatory state - grains especially gluten, dairy, sugar, alcohol, caffeine. Whilst working on healing the gut so that we can maximize absorption and the precursors to our body being able to synthesis the needed hormones and neurotransmitters required for optimal function. 

I’m not perfect though, by any means. Self compassion is one of my biggest tenants of health and whilst I am strict on no gluten as I have recognised the highest inflammatory reaction there, if I have a bit of sugar or alcohol here or there I’m not going to beat myself up over it. 

When we are considering the barriers to health that we are consuming, we also need to be aware of the thoughts and stories we are consuming. Cleansing ourselves from these is so important to the process of the healing journey, alongside any stagnant emotions and stagnant passions and creative forces that are not getting the recognition they desire. 

I gave up coffee once before for my health, after a health crisis similar to this after the birth of my second child - in that situation I was surviving off five instant coffees a day and then a big serve of cheesy pasta bake for dinner - cue inflammation galore there!

I bought coffee back when I realised that I really missed having a decent coffee. So we got a good coffee machine and organic beans that get ground in my machine, my husband making me a coffee is a love language that I’m not prepared to change right now and now I don’t even want a coffee out as his are so good. 

I have a big mason jar I fill up with warm filtered water and fresh lemon and ginger first thing in the morning and make sure I have finished that before my coffee and have eaten a cooked breakfast of eggs, avo and mushrooms and greens cooked in grassfed butter like leek, kale, spinach, asparagus and even broccolini - depends what I have. 

Lemon and ginger water is not only hydrating but it stimulates digestion first thing - increasing appetite and input of hydrochloric acid in the stomach to help break down food for maximizing absorption. Also a great source of bioavailable vitamin C that is great for increasing absorption of iron, supporting the immune system, healing inflammation and it also supports detoxification of the liver and bowels. 

A good quality grass fed butter is a great source of vitamins as well as butyric acid, a short chain fatty acid that is anti-inflammatory and regulates blood sugar levels that regulate hormones. Hormones need good fats like avocado and omegas as well. 

A leek a week, is a saying I have taken on board. Leeks are prebiotic foods meaning that they feed the good bacteria in the gut keeping them happy alongside asparagus too. I’m growing leeks in a pot at my front door and out the used stubs in a jar of water in my window sill to regrow them, it’s so satisfying. 

Protein is a key player in building blocks for neurotransmitters, eggs and hemp seeds and chia seeds are great… finding high protein snacks to keep the fuel coming throughout the day really helps to rebuild the nervous system and keep energy reserves stocked. 

I take liquid herbals for hormone regulation as well as nervine tonics, and adaptogens and a probiotic that contains strains specific to the microbiome that supports mental health.  

When I got to see the psychologist I had already tapered off my medication. It was a long waitlist to get in on the public health mental health plan. She ran me through the plan for EMDR and we planned three fortnightly sessions. She was sure that’s all I would need. 

As I had already done so much inner healing over the years with inner child work, witch wound and mother wound healing, I already had been healing through the stories I had been telling myself but this new trauma of the accident had triggered something deeper within me. 

I was amazed how EMDR therapy was able to pick up each of these threads and link them up to the feeling I had in my body when the accident happened. 

Then when I would feel that panic coming on either driving or not, I recognised that familiar feeling in my body and was able to send healing to that part of my body to release the stress and reassure safety. Reassure that Inwas no longer reliving those moments. 

There’s so much that I was able to link and connect through my personal healing over the years it’s hard to encapsulate it in this one story. 

I carry a dropper bottle of passionflower liquid herbal a beautiful nervine sedative that I include flower essences that support my energetic and emotion shifts that surround the underlying roots to my panic attacks and anxiety. 

I also make up a nourishing mumma milk - you can see that article on my blog nourishing the hyper vigilant mother. I use a combination of Turmeric, reishi, shativari, ashwaghanda, chamomile, astragalus and cinnamon, depending on how I feel. Herbs like these are adaptogenic, anti-inflammatory, immunomodulating among other beautiful actions that help to regulate our body and mind holistically. 

Creating rituals that strengthen us and attaching them to parts of our rhythm that are already established help to keep us accountable to our healing. 

I only took these antidepressants for a few months and worked and are currently working on the biochemical pathways that support me to make the B12, neurotransmitters and hormones that were depleted. 

Individuality is key. 

As a health practitioner I see myself as the biggest experimentation when it comes to implementing practices and trialling herbal and nutritional formulas, this is in no way medical advice and if you are wanting to come off your medication then I recommend that you speak to your trusted healthcare practitioner and devise an individualised approach for you if that is the appropriate Path for you. 

Individualised approach requires research time for each individual case - there is no one protocol.

Uncover the journey that has been for you, know where you want to go - if you don’t know your destination at least know which direction you want to go - that’s signposted by your values and what strengthens you, lights you up and helps you feel like your most favourite self. 

Those of us that share our journey with open hearted vulnerability open ourselves up to risk. It is not easy to share my journey with you - it’s taken a lot of procrastinating to get here but I believe that sharing our stories unleashes any shame or stigma that hides inside and that only creates more stagnancy.