Honouring our values even when we feel lost
My first question to my new clients is something along the lines of, tell me about your values and what’s important to you.
So often this question can leave my client speechless, as at the depths of their disconnect they have lost touch with what the fundamental elements that they hold dear, actually are.
You want to be sure of yourself, to know what you want and have confidence in how you are showing up in your life… this initiation into motherhood often leaves the old version of ourselves behind, it no longer fits right, while we are left to struggle in finding our feet in our new stage of self.
I talk about my experience of this in the book Mother’s Circle that was released this week…
If you are relating to this you should go pre order your copy so you can get the full story!
I got wrapped up in society's values, a web that I thought I needed to fit into - of course I did - it was all I had been surrounded by and knew as real… but really it was strangling me.
As I plummeted into despair at how painful it was to not fit into the world that I knew; I began to see snippets of the world I wanted to belong to instead… as I unleashed myself from the expectations of fitting into others value systems I was able to define my own honour code.
We often get lost in all the should be doing and must be doings, not being enough of this and doing too much of that that we forget that we are individual beings with individual values...
Especially as nurturers of the new generation, we are cycle breakers and confronting changing systems head on.
The honour codes that we were brought up adhering to do not align with so many mothers of today. The children of now will rebel against them, especially if you push them.
And from my own experience I have gathered that this is where we encounter our conflict.
We are working to uphold an honour code that is out of alignment with what we believe in our hearts and then our children rebel and we feel at a loss… “we must be getting it wrong or perhaps there's something wrong with this child?? Why won’t they just comply and do as they’re told like we had to when we were kids??”
Caroline Myss PhD refers to the honour code in her book “Anatomy of the Spirit.’ It’s a challenge to our deepest roots to survival - we must comply with our tribe, our family, our village or risk being rejected, abandoned… We then hold that same fear for our children… will they be rejected, will they cause disruption to the village… the community, will this impact their success in the world?”
This is cycle breaking!!
A wild ride of being confronted with all the programming and conditioning that we are unravelling within our own energetic matrix to build a new system that is compatible with the new children who are here to implement the new way of living in heart centered alignment.
It can be as trivial as what do you want for lunch… a simple question but it was one that broke me when I was reinventing myself. Standing in the middle of a food court it used to be easy to grab a burger and be on my way but now I knew I didn’t want that… but what did I want instead?? It can be laughable now, I remember my husband staring at me in disbelief that I was melting down over not knowing what I wanted to eat.
The truth is these trivial decisions trigger the core memory… we have been conditioned to accept what everyone else is doing, what is easiest for the tribe and the knowing that it is not in alignment. It becomes a crisis of identity.
How do we unleash ourselves from these honour codes when that's all we know… when nothing else is that familiar it can feel so DAUNTING to step away from communities and tribe who have always led the way for you.
This is a core base chakra wounding. We heal our base chakra with safe spaces, stability grounding. You can create safe spaces for yourself in the depths of your mind with meditation and journaling… writing from the heart about what you are releasing and what you are making room to enter.
You can check out my meditation for this, “Living as higher self” it may help guide you to some of your deeper realisation. I’ll pop the link in the bio.
We can work this recognition of self into our rhythm. The Moon cycles are a great rhythm to focus on what we are releasing and what we are drawing to us. This doesn’t have to be a physical manifestation but a value manifestation is also possible here.
I think of Sunday as my Dark Moon of the week. A day for me to tune into what I’m wanting to release from my week, review what’s working for me and what can I let go of. And then reset my home and my mind so that Monday, the new moon of my week, I am ready to go with all of my new ideas - the seeds I am planting to live my aligned life!
But, most of the time what you really need is someone to be able to hold that safe space for you while you are intuitively guided to uncover your deepest hidden parts of self. To have another human, another mother, really see you and love you without judgement can bring you the validation you are seeking to trust yourself fully!
In my work with women we are unleashing the old honour code and integrating the new value system based on heart aligned integrity. I offer this in circle space, in full moon and new moon women’s circles and in private mentorships and healings.
Creating a safe space for you to tune into what you truly desire without the threat of judgement leading to abandonment. Navigating your individual needs and desires not just for your values that you share as a family and for your children...
But to unleash yourself as a woman.
Supporting your evolution into not only a magical mother but a magnetic and vibrant woman who knows herself.
This is who we want to model to our children.
To see our children grow with confidence to back their desires and needs and carve their own path in this world, intuitively discerning with compassionate hearts that doesn't’ sacrifice the integrity of their values.