My ideal Evening Rhythm

Does the thought of an evening rhythm make you roll your eyes and think… my kids do as they please… Getting them to bed is a chaotic affair and trying to get even five minutes at the end of the day for meditation or a face routine is laughable! 

The thing is we all have an evening rhythm whether we like it, and it’s aligned with our values… or not. 

My evening rhythm can get chaotic… it can go from dinner running too late… to everyone over-tired and hangry snapping at each other… to eating in separate areas of the house all dissociating on our own screens… to missing bathtime and yelling five times to get pajamas on… to leaving the dishes and saying fuck it, before I go straight to bed and doom scroll until the house is quiet and I can eat chocolate in peace. 

But that’s not the connected family evening I had in mind for my family. 

Not to say that it’s not going to be the above scene at times. 

We are all entitled to our moments of shut down. 

I know I would just like to have the majority of our time together spent calm, grounded and connected. 

So what we need is to set an intention for what our evenings could look like, based on our own individual values. 

I would like to share an insight into my ideal evening rhythm… 

And I say ideal because it’s not always like this, but this gives me a framework of intentions I can lean into when things feel out of alignment.

And it is a rhythm, not a routine. Because it is based on flow that moves and changes, with seasons and needs… as we move deeper into the winter our rhythm will shift. And as we move into the warmer nights, again it will shift. It is not based on times or schedules, but our natural flow.

Reset

A tidy living space is important to me to be able to sit at the table or move around our home, to be able to play games and have the option to do yoga in the morning. 

While I’m making dinner I ask the family to do a quick living area tidy up - ensuring our dining table is clear to eat at and lounge room floor free from tripping hazards, in case we end up doing a floor picnic.

After dinner my girls take turns doing the dishes, or if they are too exhausted my husband or I take over. I feel better waking up to a tidy home, but it doesn’t need to be perfect!

If it gets past 8pm all jobs can wait for the next day as I am done! 

Low Lights

After dinner our overhead lights go off and we rely on our salt lamps that emit amber light which helps us all to feel calmer and supports production of Melatonin for a restful sleep.

I encourage avoidance of blue lights from screens that disrupt our circadian rhythm.

Cleanse

Baths or showers for everyone at the end of the day to wash away muddy feet and energy residual from our day's encounters.

Adding Salts to our baths increase the cleansing benefits and support a restful night's sleep.

Taking care of our teeth with dental hygiene and applying balms to the skin to feel replenished and nurtured.

It’s extra lovely to do this by candle light.

Herbs & Supplements 

Taking our evening liquid herbal dosage before bed as well as any other nightly supplements we need at the time.

Magnesium glycinate is my favourite supplement to help wind down at the end of the day.

Herbs such as passionflower, chamomile, lemon balm or valerian are my go to options to slow down an overactive mind before bed.

Other supplements that can help us get to sleep could be L-Theanine, GABA, and Herbatonin for a few examples.

Books

To help us avoid screens in the evening I invite the kids to share our read-aloud books together. We also enjoy listening to podcast stories or audiobooks.

I enjoy reading before bed either on the kindle or a paperback, I use an amber book light to avoid the bright light exposure.

Tuck into Bed

I tuck each of my children in with a kiss on their foreheads and tell them I love them.

I also have a ritual of placing a hand on my heart and tucking myself into bed, whispering to my inner child how loved she is as I find gratitude in the cosiness of my bed and relationships with my children and partner.
This is also a great time to count off on three fingers the things that went well today, what you achieved and acknowledge how far you have come!

I know from years of mothering how everyone needs something different and how much these things can shift and change over the years. As children grow, stop breastfeeding, needing to cosleep…

So do what's best for your family and ask yourself...

Does my rhythm support my values at this stage of life I'm in right now?

And if you're struggling to work out how your values can flow into family calm, if you need some support expanding your capacity to hold space for this right now or attending to your children’s needs to balance and regulate their nervous system, moods and behaviour, I invite you to book a consultation with me and we can delve deeper into your personal circumstances.