guiding empathic children through a world cloaked in trauma
It was months ago now... when I first smelt the smoke.
I felt gripped by fear and shut myself in the house, memories and feelings flooding in from the last time fires ripped through my home town.
The emotions flooded until I couldn’t hold back the tears and I cried. I cried for grief of the past I cried for fear for the unknown future.
The energy of the air was over hanging, I felt like hiding in my cave until it would pass.
The ultimate sign of my empathic nature... hiding from the energy that I feared.
My children watched as I mopped up my face, and went about the yard clearing fire hazards and gathering lists of important things to whisk up if needed.
I had to make a decision, I was privileged to get the opportunity.
I was confronted to either bow down to my fear and stay locked away, bound to my home in its pocket of safety or to continue leading my life, continue to venture outside.
If I was to hide on every hot day when the wind blew smoke across us I would be tied to my house for the ever lengthening summer...
My children were concerned, they asked me why I cried and I told them stories of the friends and loved ones lost before they lived.
I told them of the places that held my heart that were swept away in a moment and I told them how it reminded me of the pain and fear I felt last time...
They felt my grief and they understood in a way I would never expect children so innocent to loss would be able to know.
I told them the fires were around, we must be vigilant but we are safe.
My children, they feel things deeply as do I...
I don’t share with them to put stories in their head. We discuss real life events that arise and impact those around us in a way that is level headed.
The facts that are needed for the emotion to make sense.
It clears the way, preventing the stories constructed in their minds from fear of bits and pieces over heard or the conclusions contrived from panic felt around them...
An empath is one who is able to sense, read and process the energy around them... they can absorb it into their energetic system, taking on others pain, discomfort or trauma but that is not necessary in order to be a highly sensitive person.
I made a decision to live in hope, not fear.
To be vigilant, respectful of the destruction capable but not live assigned to worry... to be able to live in the world and share light and hope... to transmute they fear into love and show my children the way even when there is a heavy fog of doubt.
I have compiled a mother’s companion to guide her empathic children through a world cloaked in trauma. Also supporting you, if your an empath yourself to feel empowered by your sensitivities rather than vulnerable to them.
BE HONEST
Children are highly gifted at picking up on energy... when you feel sad, angry or stressed they pick it up. Empathic children feel these emotions deeply as if they are their own, it can be so hard to decipher. One of the most confusing things as an empathic child is to be feeling some deep heavy feelings, to get that inner knowing they are coming from your mother, to ask her if she is ok... to receive a overly pronounced smile, a busy-ness and an “of course! I’m great!!” ...Oh maybe it’s just me... maybe there’s something wrong with me? Maybe there’s something happening I’m not allowed to know about... cue the stories and all the horrible things a child is able to imagine going wrong... Share your truth... your fears and your pain, share what’s really going on. Share the facts that are needed to make sense of the emotion. You don’t need to bare all the details but you can at least admit that you are hurting, going through a hard time, feeling some old memories of pain, maybe feeling scared yourself... but let them know they are safe and loved. It’s ok to be scared, to know you have each other to get through is important. To watch the broad range of emotions and observe you process then guides your child to face their own fears. Fear is not taboo... when we stuff it down it festers and grows... just be honest.
STAY IN YOUR RHYTHM
As an empath it’s easy to hide away, to lock myself up away from external influences... pull the covers up and stay in bed numbing with Netflix... our rhythm gives us stability. If it’s safe to continue to do so then keep up with the same activities you would normally do... work, school, extracurriculars... The sensitive child leans into their rhythms in times of stress to provide them with the firm line of structure that symbolizes order and safety. It supports our base chakra and let’s us know we are ok... the world is still turning. On a deeper level it’s important that we stick to our more intimate rhythms... focus on what you do when rising... have you dropped your morning intentions and other morning practices to check the news or current state of events? Keep yourself anchored in your patterns of self care and rituals like taco Tuesday and pancake Sunday... your rhythms not only bring you comfort but they keep you connected - especially to those you love.
TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF
Following on from rhythms, is taking care of yourself as another important factor that can definitely get overlooked when you are wrapped up in worry from surrounding conflicts and trauma... We will run ourselves ragged making sure everyone else has what they need, giving away the shirt off our own back to keep another going. This can come down fo the bare necessities of have a shower, brush your teeth, drink some water... to go take some time out just for you... have a bath, read something that lifts you up, eat nourishing foods if you are privileged to have access to such luxuries in a crisis... get enough sleep. If you are recognizing there is more to the feelings you are harboring then seek some support, talk to a trusted friend or family member, reach out to an energy healer like myself, find a counselor or call a help line for additional support through a crisis.
LIMIT MEDIA CONSUMPTION
It’s ok to remain informed, imperative in some scenarios but please be mindful of how you are consuming media coverage and the types of content you are letting your thoughts marinate within. Social media is a cesspool of opinion don’t weigh yourself down with other people’s baggage. Find a trusted source for new worthy information to keep you updated with the facts, reduce your mind numbing or anxiety inducing scroll. Not to say you need to hide from the chatter but I like to consciously limit the amount of negativity I am faced with in my feed. Speculation, drama and people spreading their anger are not helping the situation to heal. I choose to share hope, stories of community and to fight for the change I want. I will not spend my energy fighting against that which I don’t want. Energetically it would be much more useful to invest my energy and magnetism into that which I do want. Be mindful of what you share, be mindful of what you choose to view in your social feeds... you can hide that ranting uncles one eyed posts, you can unfollow the scare tactic news channels that feed off click batey fear inducing headlines... you have a choice of what you are going to consume and contribute to the noise.
GROUND INTO NATURE
If you are lucky enough to live in an area where it is still safe to go outside or spend time in nature then go ground into earths rhythm by sitting outside on the earth. Find a stream and dip your feet in or go wade through the ocean. Sitting on the Earth, hands in the earth and sharing your heart beat with her, core hula ting with her, sending your love and healing to her can help you to feel connected. Showing your children how to connect, ground in with the earth with reverence for her power and strength. Slows your nervous system down from reactive to responsive. Breath in her peace and preach out your worry. Sync your energy with her rhythm and feel your body drop down into her embrace. Allow yourself to be held. Check out my blog on grounding or get in contact if you want more info on this one.
If you can’t get outside, sit down on the ground even inside your home and visualize your energetic roots traveling down into the ground, holding you in safety and stability.
FIND GRATITUDE IN THE BEAUTY OF THE WORLD
Taking a mindful moment to sit outside and listen to the sounds, observe the changing colours in the sky, watch any wildlife like birds or even insects go about their day. Hands on your heart feel into the love and gratitude you have for the world around you. Admire all parts of beauty big or small and feel the sacredness that’s this world has to offer. Review the beauty in the actions of those around you, the beauty of the community spirit, the gratitude for the helpers and the hero’s who have stepped up. Allow yourself to fill with pride for all the good there is in this world and share these stories with your children.
SUPPORT COMMUNITY ACTIONS
Together we can make a difference. Supporting community actions doesn’t have to be risking everything to fight a fire or contributing your time to host shelters. Where ever you are your help is appreciated no matter if it is big or small. I know as an empath we can feel the guilt of not doing enough to help... of not being able to give enough or being too far away to have an impact. Let me assure you that even just sharing a positive post or fundraiser can help. Even just putting water trays out for wildlife on hot days helps. If you can donate funds, food or supplies that’s great, if you can open your home to share a bed that’s great but it’s ok to share within your means as well. Teaching our children to give is more about the principles of kindness and caring then it is how big is your wallet or how much can you do. Focus on the kindness and opening your heart and you’re guiding your kids the best way that you can!
I think the biggest thing to note when you are going through a crisis and feeling overwhelmed with supporting your own sensitivities as well as your child’s, is to validate that everything you are feeling is okay and worthy of acknowledgement. Sometimes we can stuff our own pain down because we feel we have it good in comparison to others struggles so we shouldn’t complain.
Trauma is trauma, there’s no need to compare. You and your feelings are as valid as the next person.
Ground into your reality, try not to get swept up in the anxiety storms that are circling... your children need a grounded anchor.
If you need support reach out, I for one am here for you too.
Love and blessings of safety to you and your family in these challenging times,
Dania x